I have found on my difficult journeys through life that so much of where I draw my strength from is the other people I meet along the way. It is within the people who are also walking on the hard road you find true grit, resilience, and enduring love. It is the people who are also deep in the water, fighting the battles, or walking through the fire who gives me the greatest hope and inspiration that we all can survive and make it to the other side, together. I am currently struggling with the emotions felt when some of us on the road reach what was hoped for, while others have to keep walking past us and continue their battle. I find myself in a place currently where I am in both spots.
I currently am in remission from cancer, feeling stronger and healthier all the time. My prayers and those of all my loved ones fighting alongside me are being answered. I am healing. In the same moment of my healing, I have other women in my cancer journey life who are having to battle longer and harder than me. They are hearing the beyond hard words like “relapse” and “stage 4” and “the road ahead isn’t clear on which treatment will work”. These are women just like me- they are health care workers, faithful believers, and mamas to multiple children. My soul hurts for them more than words can express. I pray for them throughout every day, I want their hope of healing to be realized, I want them to continue to be the light the world needs so much.
At the same time, we are on the other side with our son Uriah’s journey with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. We are watching the miracles start to unfold for other boys, new and amazing advanced medical treatments become available for others, while Uriah can not receive them. We are doing all we can through prayer, medicine, therapy, fundraising for research, and traveling for doctor care to help Uriah. Despite our best efforts, it has not resulted in our greatest hope for him to have a cure for his terminal disease.
How do we as believers continue to place our faith in God when so much of what unfolds on the journey still seems so hard? Even when some prayers are answered, some are not. Our souls feel heavy and sad because we are unable to see all of God’s plan. How do we praise and celebrate the miracles, when at the same moment there is hardship and pain in someone else’s similar journey? Is it truly possible to hold pain and joy at the same time?
I believe the answers are within the need to praise God in the hard and the beautiful moments. To trust he has a plan, even if the plan causes pain and suffering for the good God can only see right now. The cancer mamas I am praying for are using the phrase “testimony not a tragedy” when they share updates on their journey. I am clinging to this for all of us who are walking hard journeys through life full of pain and heartache. We are all testimonies for God’s strength and power, his hands and feet here on earth. So much can be gained by demonstrating our love and faith in God, especially during the tests and trials of life. Nonbelievers and believers alike are drawn to the faith of those who can continue to praise when hope is harder to cling to.
Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God (Psalm 42:5). This verse is my answer to the questions surrounding how do we hold pain and joy as we continue through life. Our hearts will feel broken sometimes. We will feel disturbed and sad when what we hope and pray so hard for doesn’t seem to be unfolding to our plan. Hope is what we need to continue to focus on. Hope is what gives us the strength to continue to rise and fight for what we want to happen. Hope is what heals our hearts so we can keep loving and helping others. Hope is what fuels our faith to believe in miracles yet to come. Hope keeps our eyes lifted and praising our savior and God when we are celebrating the miracles realized and the ones we are still waiting for. Hope reminds us that every hard journey when you walk with God has a beautiful finish, it just may not be the finish we hope for on Earth… but the finish in Heaven is the answered miracle for all of us.